


A House Guest

by Merry_Wars (Naughty_Yorick)



Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and silliness, Humour, Pining, dont be fooled, megamind is a dork that's why we love him, protective Megamind, this one is really very silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-07-13 04:28:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16010306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naughty_Yorick/pseuds/Merry_Wars
Summary: “Like, seriously, Megamind, this is the worst possible time - could we not, you know, rearrange?”“Oh I'm so sorry, Miss Ritchi, is this inconvenient for you?”Roxanne really,reallydoes not want to be kidnapped today. Usually, Megamind would accept it - if the circumstances were right. But today, something'snotright, and he's determined to figure out what it is.





	1. Chapter 1

“Like, seriously, Megamind, this is the worst possible time - could we not, you know, rearrange?”

“Oh I'm so sorry, Miss Ritchi, is this  _ inconvenient  _ for you?”

Roxanne snorts and rolls her eyes at the alien currently standing on her balcony. Usually by this point in the kidnapping he would have made his way in, but today she's carefully placed herself within the door frame so the only way in is to push her aside - something she's confident he'd never do. 

“You see this whole  _ kidnapping deal _ ” he makes little rotations with his hands, “is rather a non-negotiable affair, Miss Ritchi, as you ought to know by now.”

Roxanne nervously peers over his shoulder, looking out for lurking brainbots ready to sweep her up and whisk her away to the lair. Thankfully, he appears to be alone - for now. She chews her lip.

“Look, I get that that’s how this  _ usually _ works, but can't we make an exception just for today?”

He raises an eyebrow. “Are we going to have a  _ struggle, _ hmmm?”

Roxanne tries not to imagine any sort of struggle involving her and Megamind. He peers at her, the curved arch of his eyebrow far more suggestive than he realises. He takes a step forward. He's just inches from her now, their faces close, almost nose to nose. Her confidence that he won't push her aside begins to waver. 

“You're not going to  _ scream  _ for me, are you?” he growls.

Roxanne’s legs turn to jelly and she tightens her grip on the doorframe to stop herself stumbling. This is  _ not okay,  _ she reminds herself.

Suddenly, there's a crash from inside the apartment. Roxanne winces. Megamind finally steps back and curiously looks inside.  

“Ah...I see. A  _ house guest _ , Miss Ritchi?” the eyebrows raise again in mock-outrage, “What would Metro Mahn say?” 

“it's  _ not like _ -” Roxanne begins to say, but she's cut off from another crash and a strange scrabbling sound. Megamind looks at her incredulously. 

“Megamind, seriously, I know we don't usually  _ do  _ this kind of thing but I really can't-”

“Can't or won't?”

“Ugh...can't!” No; that’s not true, “ _ and _ won't. Not today. Look - You can have, like, a free pass. Two more kidnappings, on the house. Whenever you want.”

“But I  _ want _ to kidnap you now. And as we discussed - I wasn't aware you had a say in the matter.”

“I'll scream for you.” It was an act of desperation, one that she knew she'd later regret. 

That...actually has an impact. For a moment Megamind looks genuinely intrigued at her proposition - then his eyebrows twist and his mouth catches on silent words and then he's made some kind of unspoken decision and, yes, he pushes Roxanne aside (surprisingly gently) and makes his way into the apartment. 

She looks at him, aghast.

“What's going on, Roxanne?”

All pretence of banter has been dropped. His expression is deliberately unreadable.

“ _ Nothing _ is going on!”

He rubs his eyes, exasperated, then turns towards her.

“You never ‘refuse’ a kidnapping.” 

Roxanne opens her mouth to argue with him, to remind him of the whole  _ you don't have a choice  _ thing, but he cuts her off.

“Let me reiterate: you  _ argue _ , you  _ struggle, _ but you  _ play along _ . Correct?”

Roxanne silently nods.

“Yes - I've granted you...mercy... a few times. Illness, family problems, whatever-” he waves his hand dismissively, “-but you've never told me to leave without good reason. And Miss Ritchi: we both know you'll  _ never _ scream for me. So I'll ask you again:”

He steps even closer, and suddenly his hands are on Roxanne’s shoulders.  _ This is new.  _

“ _ What's going on _ ?”

She doesn't have a chance to reply, because from somewhere upstairs there's one, final crash then more desperate scrabbling and scratching and then - the sound of a door swinging open. Before she can do or say anything, Megamind grabs her arm and pulls her behind him while simultaneously pulling out the D-Gun and aiming it in one quick, fluid motion. 

Something is coming down the stairs. 


	2. Chapter 2

For a second, Roxanne finds herself caught up in the moment, swept behind Megamind, him stepping forwards and shielding her with his body, the feeling of his skinny elbow pushed into her side, keeping her back. She’s not sure he’s ever been so close.

But something  _ is _ coming down the stairs and his gun is raised and his eyes - God, his eyes - are fierce and set and determined. 

She realises how ridiculous this is. She snaps herself out of her trance, slips around him, places her hand around his wrist and firmly but gently lowers his arm.

“Megamind, it’s just-”

And suddenly, here it is.

Megamind drops the gun. In fact, he  _ actually _ drops the gun, but Roxanne’s hand is still clasped around his wrist and she manages to catch it before it slips out of his hand. 

He looks at the bottom of the stairs, then back to Roxanne, then back to the stairs. His mouth gapes, words completely failing him.

“Uh...Megamind. Meet...Doctor Puddles.”

The tiny, coffee-coloured pomeranian looks up at Megamind, its eyes huge and its little tail spinning around. It yips. Megamind jumps.

“I locked him upstairs when I heard the hoverbike. I was worried you’d scare him, or he’d scare you, or he’d get eaten by a brainbot or  _ escape _ so I just…” She trails off, aware of how stupid she’s sounding. 

Megamind is still staring at the dog, his eyes wide.

“He’s uh, not mine. Obviously. He belongs to my neighbour, and if he got out her daughter would be heartbroken and-” he isn't listening. “Megamind?”

“O...” his voice catches in his throat. “ _ Obviously?”  _

“Well: yeah...look at him!” Roxanne gestures to the tiny fluffy thing who is now patting around Megamind’s ankles, “That's not...he isn't exactly a  _ proper _ dog.”

Megamind appears to be genuinely outraged. When he speaks, his voice shakes.

“Miss Ritchi, I want you to know that you...you  _ scared  _ me. And so whatever I may do now is through a...a complete  _ lack  _ of composure and, more so,  _ relief, _ and if it leaves this room then I swear there  _ will _ be screaming.”

“O...Okay?”

“Okay.”

He reaches up, his deft fingers fiddling with the clasp of his mantle which he undoes, sliding the cape off and handing it to a very confused Roxanne, who’s still got the D-Gun held tightly in her hand. Then the gloves - he slides one off, then the other, handing them over to Roxanne who’s lost in the thought that this is the first time she’s seen his hands exposed. He's wearing a bulky, technical looking watch which he observes for a moment before taking that off, too, gently placing it on top of the gloves. As he puts it down she finds herself distracted by the soft looking skin on the inside of his wrists. 

But those thoughts are pushed to the back of her head as she watches him kneel down, slowly, and reach that slender blue hand towards Doctor Puddles. The little pom totters forwards and Megamind gently extends his fingers towards its nose.

The dog does an experimental sniff. There’s a moment of silence and stillness. 

And then Doctor Puddles leaps forwards, rubbing his head on Megamind’s palm, and Megamind melts before Roxanne’s eyes.

The bad-guy, tough-as-nails,  _ oh-look-at-how-witty-I-am _ visage almost tumbles away as he pats and scratches and cuddles Doctor Puddles, making coo-ing noises and, well...behaving very much  _ not _ like the master of all evil and villainy. 

For his part, Doctor Puddles doesn't seem to care that the person currently tickling his tummy isn't actually human. Nor does he care that he's the so-called Master of Evil. Roxanne’s got limited experience with dogs, but she knows that they’re supposed to be intuitive to these sorts of things. The little dog had been completely aloof to her, coming for a quick pet before briskly moving on to attempt to pee on everything on her balcony. With Megamind, he’s like a different animal.

She's watched Megamind interact with the Brainbots before, always quietly impressed at how advanced they are, but she'd never really thought how he'd act around  _ actual  _ animals. It makes sense, in a convoluted way. She waits for a moment, cautious, then decides it's probably safe enough. She gently places Megamind’s things on the back of the couch and sits back down in the spot where she'd been watching Netflix before she’d been so rudely interrupted.

She reaches forward for her latte - now decidedly cooler - and watches Megamind playing with Doctor Puddles.

“I uh, never had you figured as an animal lover.”

Megamind stops rough-housing and stands up, the dog held under one arm. “I’ll have you know I’m very fond of animals, Miss Ritchi. Just…”

“Just..?”

“Minion doesn’t al - doesn’t  _ want _ any pets in the lair. Not with the brainbots and machinery and various...eeevil and nefarious traps and plots and weapons. Not at all safe, he says. He’s right, of course.” There’s a brief glimmer of sadness in his eyes. The little dog wiggles and he puts it back down, where it sniffs his feet then potters over to the couch, which it completely fails to jump onto.

Roxanne laughs and reaches down to pull Doctor Puddles onto the couch just as Megamind goes to lift him up. Their hands touch just for a moment and Roxanne is suddenly very aware that Megamind’s gloves are still lying on the back of the couch where she left them. His fingers are...cool. She can feel a prickly hotness creeping up her neck and nervously laughs, keeping her eyes down and hoping he won't spot her blushing. 

Now safely on the couch, Doctor Puddles sniffs the cushion, walks in a tiny circle then settles himself down with a small sigh. Roxanne scratches him behind his ears absentmindedly. 

“I suppose he's not too bad…” She admits, finally glancing up at Megamind. 

He grants her with a tight smile, the tips of his ears slightly purple. Doctor Puddles chooses this moment to yawn, showing off his teeth.

“I guess I should be thanking you” she adds, raising her eyebrows, “For saving me from such a vicious beast.”

“I...may have overreacted.”

“Mmm...just a little? Although, really, I never had you pegged as the  _ heroic _ type. Rushing in to save me like that. Even if it was from a...well. Him.” 

“Now, now, Miss Ritchi. Don’t let this go to your head. I’m a  _ super _ villain, you know. Metrocity’s  _ only _ supervillain. I was simply concerned that I had an intruder in my…” he realises too late how awfully possessive what he’s about to say is, “...my territory.”

Roxanne tries to keep her face composed. She knows, logically, that he’s talking about Metro City. That he’s talking about his reputation as the city’s  _ only _ villain and how he needs to ensure that title isn’t taken from him. And yet...his  _ territory. _ This is her home, her space...but  _ his _ territory.

Or does he mean  _ her _ ?

“Well.” She takes a breath, clears her throat, foolishly hoping that she’s not blushing again, “I can only hope if there’s a  _ real _ threat to your... _ territory… _ that you’re the one around to stop them. Can’t have Metro Man taking all the glory, after all.”

That was  _ definitely _ too far, but he doesn’t appear to notice. 

“Like Metro Man could defeat this horrible creature!” Says Megamind, with a gesture at the Pomeranian, who spots the sudden movement and leaps up with a shrill  _ yip _ . Roxanne laughs at the ridiculous little dog and goes to pat him - at exactly the same moment as Megamind does. 

Oh, this is worse, this is far worse than before. This is...this isn’t just fingertips, this is his hand resting on hers, his fingers instinctively curling around hers, his skin cold but smooth and so incredibly soft and - 

He makes a small, involuntary noise and she looks up, this time completely unable to resist meeting his gaze. The moment - because it really is just a moment - seems to last a lifetime until they simultaneously come back to their senses and quickly remove their hands, as if the contact burns. She laughs, nervously, but he doesn’t say anything, and oh god it’s  _ weird  _ now.  

“Do you want a coffee or something?” She asks, more than anything as a way to fill the silence, to give her something to do with her hands, to stop her completely losing her composure. 

“I…uh…”

“Is that weird? Sorry, I….have I breached some kidnapper/victim etiquette?”

“No. No, coffee...yes.”

She stands, probably far too quickly, and walks over to the kitchen. “How do you take it?”

“Cream, and sugar. Six.”

She snorts. “ _ Six _ ? Six  _ sugars _ , you mean?”

“What of it?”

Roxanne shakes her head, smiles to herself, then starts opening cupboards, pulling out a mug and ground coffee, trying to calm herself down. Megamind watches her, cautiously, as he gently pets Doctor Puddles. 

“He belongs to my Neighbour, Erica,” Roxanne calls over her shoulder, “Well. Sort of.” She walks back towards the couch, coffee in hand, “Technically he belongs to Abby, her daughter.” She gives it to Megamind and sits back down. 

He sips at the coffee. When he'd told her how much sugar he took she laughed, but heaped it into the cup anyway. Minion was rarely so generous. “Technically?”

“Well Erica adopted him, pays for him, takes him on walks...but Abby’s the one who wanted a dog so she insists he's hers. It's all very official, when they got him she showed me the contract and everything.”

“There's a dog ownership  _ contract _ ?”

“Hah, only if you're five and  _ very _ sure of yourself. She wrote it herself, and then made Erica sign it. I believe the technical term for kids like that is  _ startlingly precocious. _ ”

“When I was five I was building vehicles and fine tuning the D-Gun,” Megamind says, “To think I could have been convincing the adults to buy me a dog instead…”

Roxanne lifts her legs up onto the couch. “When I was five I was making my barbies kill each other...you two make me look bad.” 

She watches Doctor Puddles lean in to Megamind’s touch. 

“Anyway,” she continues, “Abby hurt herself, so he’s with me. Erica came over in a big panic, you know, saying that she needed to go to hospital, and there’s Abby standing in the corridor crying her eyes out and going on about the dog...I couldn’t exactly say  _ no _ , could I?”

“I suppose not.”

“I was worried you’d turn up, but I was hoping it might be after they got back. Just my luck, really.”

“I’m still not entirely sure why you chose to hide him.”

“Well...I wasn’t sure how you’d react. Or how  _ he’d  _ react. Imagine if Abby came back and I had to explain that he’d been stolen by a Brainbot, or Minion had stepped on him...or even worse, imagine they came back to an empty house and a sad dog and a note that says ‘sorry, been kidnapped’!”

“You could have  _ said _ , you know. I was…” He hovers for a moment, “...concerned.”

She smiles, looks down. “Did you...did you really think I might be hiding a...a secret lover or something up there?”

“No. No you're far too  _ good _ for any of that. Too noble. Not that I'd blame you if you  _ were _ .”

“Oh?”

“Trying to get me to badmouth the hero, Miss Ritchi? Very sneaky…no I rather think I'd prefer  _ not _ to see any salacious headlines about my opinions on your boyfriend in tights, thank you very much.”

“See, now I'm interested. Why wouldn't you blame me?”

“I suppose I can say, without fear of retribution, that he is  _ exceedingly _ dull? And pompous? And irritating?”

Roxanne dramatically gasps, “Oh, how could you say such  _ awful _ things?” 

Megamind laughs. She could just...tell him. About the Metro Man thing. Let it slip out, a complete accident, try and convince him to keep the secret.  _ Actually, we aren't actually dating. _ It sounds easy in her head. 

What she actually says is “Do you really think there's anyone stupid enough to go after the local hero's girlfriend?”

He only half-smiles at that, looking awkward. “...No, probably not.”

She takes a deep breath. “Then it's a good job I'm no-” 

She's cut off. The door of the apartment swings open. A tiny girl, with pigtails in complete disarray and her arm wrapped in a bright blue cast, bursts in, calling out as she does - “Roxanne I broke my arm and  _ look at my blue cast!” _

Megamind freezes. Roxanne freezes. Erica, clearly out of breath from chasing her daughter, appears in the doorway.  

She screams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the initial draft of this was far more dramatic. There were misunderstandings. There was shouting. But it didn't really fit with the fluffy lightheartedness so I cut it all out (because there's enough drama and angst in the real world, damn it). I might post the ~dramatic edit~ on Tumblr or something, if anyone wants to see.
> 
> Also - congrats to all of you who said it was a dog ;)


	3. Chapter 3

Roxanne leaps forwards, pulls Erica into the apartment and hooks a foot around the door, swinging it closed. 

“I can explain…” She begins, placing her hands on Erica’s shoulders, trying to get her to look at her instead of Megamind. Erica’s mouth opens and closes and she shakes her head, trying to form a coherent sentence.

“It’s...he...I...you!”

“It’s not what it looks like!” Calls Megamind as he leaps up, apparently trying to be helpful but making it suddenly incredibly awkward.

Roxanne sighs, composes herself and shouts at him over her shoulder - “Shut up, please, you’re making it worse!”

He raises in hands in mock-surrender then starts to slowly move towards the back of the couch where his things are still lying but finds his path blocked by Abby.

“Uh...excuse me...little human…”

She stares at him with her giant, brown eyes. “You're  _ Megamind".  _ She says, in total awe. 

Megamind looks utterly confused. He looks up at Roxanne -  _ is this some kind of...trick _ ?  _ How is he supposed to answer that?  _ She raises her eyebrows and nods. He turns back to the small child in front of him. “Uh...yes?”

If possible, her eyes go even wider.

“Oh my god…” Mutters Erica.

“Look, uh...it’s really, no harm, I’ll just be-” Megamind grabs his things and makes to leave but Abby grips onto the hem of the cape hanging from his arms and tugs. He makes an incredibly not-scary squealing noise and freezes on the spot. He looks like someone who’s walked back to their picnic in the woods only to find a large, rather unpleasant grizzly bear standing there instead. “Ahh?”

Roxanne runs her hands through her hair and turns to Erica. “Look,” she says, “I know this looks...I know how this looks. But he came in to kidnap me - like always! - and I told him no and then Doctor Puddles appeared and he agreed to put off the kidnapping for now, so I could look after him. Isn’t that right, Megamind?”

Megamind, still frozen, squeaks the affirmative.

This….this is bad. No matter which way you look at it, it’s bad. If Erica panics and rings the police there’ll be a whole  _ investigation, _  a big fuss. Although that’s probably preferable to the alternative: Erica thinking that there’s something  _ going on  _ between them, telling people, leaking an imagined hot scoop to the press. If she can get him to leave,  _ now, a _ nd emphasise how grateful she is, how Erica came “just in time”...

It might be too late for that. Especially considering what, to Erica, must look incredibly suspicious: two cups of coffee on the table, Megamind casually sat in the lounge when she came in, the fact that his fucking  _ clothes  _ were on the back of the couch...

“Look,” Says Megamind, eyes darting from Roxanne to Erica, “I was just about to leave. If you could, ah…” he looks down, “Can you call off the child?”

Erica, still stunned, blinks slowly then calls to Abby - “Let go, Abby.”

Abby pouts. She huffs. Megamind gently tugs again at the cape and it slips through her fingers. Her bottom lip begins to shake.

Roxanne doesn’t know a lot about kids but she’s spent enough time around her small gang of niblings to know exactly what’s coming next. Erica visibly winces and mutters more to herself than Roxanne - “Shit.”

Megamind bundles up the cape, takes a last glance at Roxanne and steps away from Abby just as she bursts into a long, high pitched wail. He immediately drops everything - cape, gloves, watch - raises his hands in the air and shouts, panicked, “ _ I didn’t do anything!"  _

Erica sighs, steps forwards and scoops up Abby, who’s gradually turning redder and redder. “Come on, chicken, you  _ know _ you ca-”

Roxanne winces as Abby completely ignores her mom and continues to yell. “Erica, I'm so sorry,” She says, stepping forward, feeling awkward and unsure and  _ utterly _ at fault, “I swear my apartment isn't usually full of supervillains, And he's….” She lowers her voice, leans in, “he's harmless, really.”

Erica shakes her head. “It's not...no! It’s not that. She’s not  _ scared."  _

“Um?”

She looks around, searching for the right words as she bounces Abby on her hip. “You know how other kids wanna meet Santa? Or...or Moana? She's…” Erica sighs, gives up, “Abby?” Abby sniffs. “Abby, look, why don't you tell Roxanne and uh...Megamind...how you broke your arm?”

Abby stops crying, sniffs noisily then looks up at Roxanne with red-rimmed eyes. “I was playing  _ superheroes." _

“Oh...I see…” Roxanne wonders where this is going.

Abby rubs her nose with the back of her hand.

“And I was playing and I did - I did a  _ really  _ big jump but I didn't jump far enough and I, I fell off the couch and hit my arm and then we had to go to hospital  _ and now I've got a cast on!"  _

She holds up her arm triumphantly. Roxanne nods, sagely. “So you do. So...who were you playing, Abby? Are you Metro Man?”

Abby gives Roxanne a look of pure disgust.

“ _ N _ o," She snorts, with a little grimace, “I'm  _ Megamind."  _ She points at Doctor Puppers, now curled up asleep on the floor, “ _ He's  _ Metro Man”.

Roxanne barely manages to clasp her hands over her mouth to stop the laugh escaping. She peers up at Megamind, his face a picture of shock and his cheeks slightly pink. 

“He's not very good though because he can never catch me. When we play, Megamind  _ always  _ wins.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah, because I'm really good at being being Megamind.”

“Sounds like you're even better at being Megamind than Megamind is.” Says Roxanne with a smile.

Abby giggles, gives a final sniff. “Maybe…” She twists around in her mom’s arms and looks over at Megamind, who appears to be slowly trying to make his way to the balcony. “Does Megamind  _ have _ to go home, Roxanne?”

There’s a moment of silence as the three adults look at each other, trying to wordlessly decide what to do. Abby looks up at Erica. “ _ Please, _ Mommy?”

Erica looks at Roxanne, helplessly. Roxanne shrugs, just a fraction, tries to form the best response in her head and opens her mouth to speak when she’s suddenly interrupted.

“I’ll stay.” She spins around. Megamind is standing right behind her; she hadn’t even noticed. The cape is back on, the gloves once again covering those long, blue fingers. “I’ll stay, but only for a little while.” He gives Abby a knowing look. “Minion will be worrying about my whereabouts.” 

Abby bursts into a huge smile and pushes against Erica, who lowers her down to the ground. She rushes over to Megamind, bouncing with excitement and babbling as she tries to find the right words. Megamind swallows - it’s imperceptible to Erica and Abby, but Roxanne can tell he’s nervous.

“So, Abby...” He begins, “Why don’t you tell me more about how you got that cast?”

 

***

  
  


“You'll never catch me, Metro Man!”

There's a crash, and both Roxanne and Erica wince. Doctor Puddles starts barking madly, running towards the sound.

“Broken arm, Abby!” Erica calls over her shoulder, just as Roxanne yells “You'll be paying for any furniture you damage!” 

“Hey! I'm not Metro Man,  _ you're _ Metro Man!” Abby squeals.

Roxanne turns around. Megamind is ducked behind the dining table, Abby on the other side brandishing a spatula at him.

“No, no: You're Metro Man!”

“I'm Megamind!” She holds the spatula up like a weapon, “I'm always Megamind!”

He stands and spots Roxanne watching him with a poorly concealed smile. 

“Surely you can agree that we're facing some logical inconsistencies, here?” 

Abby's face is blank.

“He means that he _is_ Megamind,” says Roxanne, “In...in real life, I guess.”

Megamind nods enthusiastically. “Precisely!”

Abby ponders this for a moment. “But I'm always Megamind.”

“Yes...well, so is he!”

Abby frowns. “But... _ why?"  _

Megamind splutters and Roxanne laughs. “Sorry: you're on your own with that one. Maybe you _should_ be Metro Man, you might win for once.”

He's about to launch a witty response when Abby shouts “Take that, Metro Man!” and launches the spatula at him. It bounces harmlessly off his head and he gasps in faux outrage.

Roxanne turns back to Erica, who shakes her head. “They're as bad as each other,” Erica says.

“I should have seen this coming, really." 

“I can't believe I was-” 

There's a low rumble which cuts her off.

Roxanne puts her drink down. “Did you hear that?”

“What-”

A hoverbike, complete with two Brain Bots flanking it like pilot fish and Minion clinging to the back, crashes onto the balcony. 

Erica and Roxanne watch, speechless, as Minion throws himself from the bike and bursts through the double glass doors.

“Sir, Sir! Is everything-” he spots he stops. He sees the two women sat on the couch, frozen with shock, a tiny girl with messy hair waving her arms around and, stood on a dining chair with a tiny dog hopping around him, Megamind. He's aiming something at the little girl.

It's a spatula.

He grins, sheepishly. “Uh...Ollo, Minion.”

Minion crosses his arms across his huge metal chest.

“I have been calling you for an _hour_ , Sir!”

Megamind has the grace to look guilty and glances at his wrist, where his communicator watch is...not.

“Ah…” 

“You took it off?!”

“For a very good reason! And I, uh, must have mislaid…”

“Sir! We're running at least-”

" _You're_ _Minion_ .”

He stops, looks down. The little girl is staring up at him, wide eyed. 

“Um…” Minion looks up at Megamind, who nods encouragingly. “Yes?” He hazards.

She grins. “I'm Megamind!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a wait between updates! Life kinda...happened, a lot, all at once. I am a sleepy goblin.
> 
> Thank you so much for all of your lovely comments. They really mean the world to me and my day is totally made whenever I get a comment on a fic <3


	4. Chapter 4

Half an hour later, Erica finally stands up, places her empty coffee cup on the table and motions to Abby. 

“Come on, Abby, we should go home. You need a snack and a nap!”

Abby pouts. “But Minion just got here! I don't  _ wanna  _ nap! I wanna play superheroes!”

“You can play superheros  _ after _ your nap. Say goodbye!”

“But it’s no fun with Doctor Puddles,” she whines, “I wanna play with a  _ real  _ superhero!”

Roxanne bites her lip in an attempt to keep her expression neutral and steals a glance at Megamind. He looks offended, almost.

“Well,” He says, stepping forwards, “perhaps Roxanne here will be kind enough to arrange a playdate with Metro Mahn sometime, hmm?”

Abby frowns again. She is  _ particularly _ good at frowning. “No! He’s  _ boring.  _ I wanna play superheros with  _ you." _  She looks at him, critically. “You’ve got a cooler outfit.” 

“But I am  _ not _ a real superhero.”

The girl appears to consider this for a moment, her face scrunched up in concentration.

“Are you  _ sure?" _  She says, finally.

“Fairly certain, yes.”

She doesn’t appear to buy it, but continues anyway. “If I go home now, we can play again later?”

Erica, standing behind Abby and out of her line of sight, starts furiously nodding. Megamind spots her and raises an eyebrow.

“...Yes.  But only if you go and eat your snack.” Erica starts miming sleep, her hands folded beneath her head. “And have a nap!” 

Abby continues to pout.

“Megamind is going home now anyway, Abby!” Says Erica, kneeling down, “That’s why Minion’s here. Isn’t that right?” 

Minion raises a giant metal hand. “Actually-”

“Actually,” Roxanne quickly interrupts, “that is  _ exactly _ why Minion is here! Right, Megamind?” 

“It is?” Begins Minion, looking between Roxanne and Megamind, “But what about-”

“Well  _ yes _ Minion obviously there is the small detail of the, ah-” Megamind glances at Abby, who's still staring at him, “...the plot...but I suspect we will have to rearrange, yes?”

“Oh? Oh! Oh, yes sir, of course!”

Abby makes a small, sad sound. “Does that mean you're not gonna kidnap Roxanne today? Or...or fight Metro Man?”

“Ah-”

“I always watch you on TV,” Abby continues, “ _ always. _  It's better than cartoons.”

“Well Abby,” says Roxanne, leaning in with a wicked grin, “There won't _ be _ anything to watch if you stay here to play superheros, will there? There's  _ lots _ of secret supervillain-y things to arrange!”

“Ooh…” breathes Abby, as if let in on a big secret, “Like...like the flying robots?”

“ _ Exactly _ like the flying robots. But if you stay here instead of going home, well…” She stands up and sighs, a disappointed expression on her face, “Then there'll be no kidnapping, no fight…”

“No flying robots?”

“No flying robots.”

Abby weighs the choice in her mind. “Okay,” she finally concludes, “we can go home, Mommy. But I wanna watch TV when Megamind’s on!”

Erica grins in relief. “Excellent! Say goodbye!”

“Bye-bye Megamind! Bye Minion!” Abby waves enthusiastically waves at the trio in the lounge then dashes towards the door. As she waits for Erica to open the door, she remembers. “Oh, bye-bye Roxanne!”

“Bye, Abby!”

The tiny girl keeps waving as her mother ushers her out of the apartment. The door shuts, and suddenly Roxanne is very aware of how quiet it is. It's Minion who speaks first, breaking the silence.

“Well there goes  _ that _ plot. Shall I call down the Brainbots, Sir?”

Megamind sighs. “Yes, Minion, send them ho-”

“Wait!”

They both turn to stare at Roxanne. She falters, now unsure. 

“I mean...we could still go ahead with it. With the plot. If you want?”

“Is this...some kind of trap?”

“No trap! Just...I feel bad!”

“You feel  _ bad _ ."  He sounds incredulous.

“Yeah,” Roxanne continues, feeling increasingly stupid, “Look...I know this isn't how it goes but if you've got everything set up and ready then…” She shrugs, “I don't mind.”

“You don't mind?” Now he looks completely outraged. “You  _ don't mind? _ Miss Ritchi, I suspect years of knock-out spray has addled your mind. You understand how a kidnapping works, yes? If the victim ‘doesn't mind’ being kidnapped then it doesn't exactly _ count _ as a kidnapping!”

Roxanne shrugs again, now regretting even opening her mouth. “It was just a...a thought.”

Megamind is silent. He turns to Minion, who looks completely confused. 

“But…”  _ Oh God, Roxanne, stop talking before you make yourself look even more insane, _  “I'll need to get changed. If you want to go ahead with it, I mean.”

He snaps out of whatever thought he was having. “Get changed?”

Roxanne gestures vaguely to herself. “I mean, yeah! Look at me!”

He blinks, and looks her up and down. Then again. Roxanne can feel herself starting to blush once more.

“What's...what's wrong with the way you're dressed? It seems to be a perfectly functional outfit?”

“Sure, for dogsitting,” Roxanne says, plucking at her T-Shirt, “but not for a televised kidnapping!”

She’s always hyper-aware of what she wears during a kidnapping; it can’t be sloppy, has to be neat, has to be presentable - it’s like she’s playing a character. She knows full well that if she willingly let herself be kidnapped in a t-shirt and yoga pants that there’d be speculation for weeks about how she was ‘letting herself go’. 

Megamind finally appears to reach a decision. “Fine. Yes. We will…” He spins, “Minion: call the Brainbots, tell them to ready their positions. You take the hoverbike you arrived on; the other is still on the roof…Miss Ritchi,” He waves a hand at her, “feel free to change into whatever you deem most suitable.”

Roxanne doesn't need telling twice, and rushes upstairs to grab something smarter. She settles on something simple, worried that if she takes too long he'll change his mind: a pale blue shirt and a form-fitting pencil skirt. She takes a moment to put on some makeup, then pauses as her hand hovers over her lipsticks.

This outfit was one of Roxanne’s more conservative choices, and would suit something neutral: a soft pink or nude lip. But…

She grabs a tube of devilishly dark red and applies it to her lips. She's  _ not _ trying to be seductive, she tells herself. She just likes how this colour looks. It goes well with her skin tone.

_ Deep red lips and crimson marks trailing down skin - blood red and ocean blue - the colours combining and purpling like a bruise. Red marks, the shape of her lips, dotted on an azure collarbone, on a neck, a wrist, lips.  _

_ What was that?  _ She blinks and slowly places the lipstick back, trying to clear the sudden thought from her mind. She can feel her pulse quicken, her heart thumping in her ears. 

She straightens up, brushes down her skirt and heads downstairs, trying to ignore the images flashing across her mind. 

“Right,” she calls as she reaches the final step, “I'm ready!”

The apartment is empty. He's gone. The bike has vanished from the balcony and the glass doors are shut. 

_ Oh. Well then. _

It was probably a trick, she figures. Obviously her suggestion had been absurd - or obscene - so he'd sent her upstairs so he could silently slip away. Megamind was one for accuracy, she knew. For doing things  _ right.  _ And he  _ was _ right: a kidnapping where the victim not only agreed to it, but  _ suggested _ it wasn’t a real kidnapping. 

She sighs, trying not to feel too disappointed. She should be relieved - her afternoon has freed up again: she can finish some work, tidy the apartment, do whatever she wants. 

But what she  _ wants _ to do, really, is spend more time with...well. She avoids even  _ thinking _ his name. 

She doesn't necessarily want to be kidnapped: it gets old, after a while, and she suspects they're all just going through the motions. But having him around was nice, if a little awkward. She just needs to take him out of his comfort zone. Four more failed kidnappings and they might even have a proper conversation.

Roxanne sighs. Oh well, at least she can take this stupid outfit off.

“ _ Roxanne Ritchi!"  _

Megamind leaps out from behind the velvet curtains on the other side of the room. She jumps. She gasps. She does  _ not _ scream.  _ Of all the predictable hiding places... _

“Not a scream, but it will do.”

He stalks forwards, pulling an unmistakable can of knock-out spray from a concealed pocket in his cape. That eyebrow - that stupid, suggestive eyebrow - is back.

_ Red lips, blue skin, purple marks. _

And everything goes black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on this chapter! I've been really busy, and have just started a new job which really eats into my free time. I'll be posting the rest of the fic by the end of the week.  
> If y'all are interested in what other nonsense I'm up to, I'm on tumblr as a-kind-of-merry-war where I post way too much about moodboards and Evil Queen AUs.


	5. Chapter 5

She finally manages to get home what feels like hours later. She kicks her shoes off as she walks into the apartment and glances up at the clock hanging on the wall - six. The day’s already gone, and she totally missed it. First - upstairs, to take off the stupid kidnapping outfit and put something a little more comfortable on. She pulls on her favourite oversized sweater (softer than soft in a deep, dark blue) and a pair of black leggings with holes in the knees. She pauses in front of the mirror before grabbing a wipe and rubbing off the red lipstick. It was silly, really. 

The apartment feels oddly...quiet. Doctor Puddles had only been there for a few hours and Megamind even less, but now it’s still and silent in a way that’s almost stifling. She wonders... she wonders if he’ll come visit her. She feels stupid.

He escaped as soon as Metro Man got in front of the cameras. It was hilarious, really - despite  _ years _ of experience Metro City PD still failed to make sure that the officers driving their squad cars really  _ were _ officers and not, in fact, alien henchmen wearing a disguise. The car had sped away before anyone had even realised what was going on, and by the time Metro Man had disentangled himself from the throng of fans and reporters it had vanished, taking Megamind with it. 

He’d never visited her after a quick escape before. She often hoped he would, even just...to check in on her. She supposed it would be foolish to return to the scene of the crime. But today had been different - not the kidnapping, that had been fairly run-of-the-mill - but...everything else.  

She remembers the way her chest tightened when his hand had found hers and sighs. She’s behaving like a  _ teenager.  _ Just because she’s feeling all lightheaded and behaving like an idiot doesn’t mean he is.

Nevertheless, she unlocks the patio doors and opens them as wide as she can, before heading into the kitchen.

She pulls a bottle of wine out of the  refrigerator  (she feels she’s earned it) then reaches up and grabs a glass out of the cupboard. She pauses, and in a moment of madness pulls out another. There’s a chill creeping in from the balcony, but the air in the apartment feels thick and stale so she heads outside, placing the bottle and glasses on the little bistro table she picked up a few weeks ago and settling herself into a chair. She pours herself a drink, places the bottle down next to the still-empty glass and sighs, leaning back.

She only has a few seconds to breathe in the cool, calming air before there’s a banging at her front door.

She sighs before standing up and making her way back inside. As soon as she opens the door, Abby leaps in, wearing bright pink pyjamas and clutching two large, brown, envelopes in her hand. “Is Megamind here?”

“Hi, Roxanne” Says Erica, looking completely exhausted, standing in the hallway. 

“Hey Erica. Do you wanna...come in?”

Erica gives Roxanne a weak smile and follows her daughter inside. 

“Roxanne!”

“Abby!”

_ "Is Megamind here?" _ She repeats, doggedly. “I saw he escaped. He ran away!”

“I saw! But no, Abby, he's not here.”

“Well where is he then?”

“I don't know, actually. He's probably at home.”

“Where's his home?”

“Uh...I'm not sure, I've never been to his house.”

Strictly speaking that's not entirely true. She's been in the lair  _ countless _ times, and she assumes he must live there too, but isn't keen to explain the intricacies of the whole “bag over the head” kidnapping situation to a five year old.

“Why not?”

Roxanne looks at Erica, who mouths “ _ sorry _ !" at her.

“Well I'm not su-”

“He's a rubbish boyfriend if you've not been to his house.”

“Abby!” Exclaims Erica, “Megamind is  _ not _ Roxanne’s boyfriend!”

Roxanne bursts out laughing. Abby’s shoulders droops and she pouts. “He’s not?”

“Nope.”

“...Oh.” She thinks about this, for a second, “...is he  _ going  _ to be?”

Roxanne smiles at the innocent face looking up at her. “I don’t think so, Abby.”

“Is it because Metro Man is your boyfriend?”

“Something like that, yeah.” She responds with a small sigh.

Erica choses this moment to step forwards and pointedly says to her daughter - “Now, Abby, wasn’t there a reason we had to come to see Roxanne?”

“Oh! Yes!” She holds out the brown envelopes in front of her, “This is for you and Megamind!”

Roxanne cautiously takes the envelopes and looks sideways at Erica, searching for an explanation. 

“Abby wanted to say ‘thank you’ for looking after Doctor Puddles so well,” she says, “So she made you a thank you card.”

“I made Megamind one too!” Abby says, pointing, “See!”

“I wondered if this could wait until tomorrow morning but she was  _ very _ insistent it had to be tonight. We’re not disturbing you, are we?”

Roxanne smiles softly. “No, not at all. Just...decompressing, you know? Long day.” She laughs, and looks at the envelopes. They’re labelled with large, simple letters: one of them says  _ ROXnE _ and the other says  _ MegamiiD. _  Some of the letters are backwards. 

Abby points at the one with  _ ROXnE  _ written across the front. “That one is yours. That means you can open it, okay? The other one,” she points, “Is for Megamind, so that means you can’t open it and you’ve got to give it to him even though he isn’t here and he isn’t your boyfriend. Okay?”

“Okey-dokey, Abby. Thank you, I’m sure he’ll appreciate it a lot.” 

“Really, thank you,” Adds Erica, “Sorry if Puddles...got in the way?” 

“No! No problem at all. He wasn’t in the way. Nearly stopped me getting involved in another scheme, after all - I’ll have to dog sit more often if it means I can avoid getting kidnapped.”

Erica smiles. She looks down at her daughter, then back to Roxanne. “He isn’t...how I expected?” It’s a question. Roxanne doesn’t miss the intonation.

“No, he isn’t.” She searches for the right words, “He’s...he’s often not what I expect.”

Erica looks quizzically at Roxanne, spies the creeping blush on her cheeks, raises her eyebrows just a fraction. A cheeky little half-smile plays on her face and she gives Roxanne a gentle nudge with her elbow. “Good with kids, too. Unusual, that. For a guy  _ and  _ for a supervillain.”

Roxanne turns to her, her mouth open,  _ sure _ that she didn’t just say what she said - didn’t just imply what she was implying - but Erica grins again, and turns to Abby.

“Come on, Chicken,” she says, “It’s time for bed. You have to go show off your cast tomorrow, right?”

“Are we gonna go to the park? Can I show Davie?”

“Sure, you can show Davie, but first you have to go to bed. Deal?”

Abby grins, takes her mom’s hand and lets her lead her out of the apartment.  

“Thanks again, Roxanne.”

“Any time. And thank you for the cards, Abby!”

“Don’t forget to give Meg-” Erica quickly muffles her daughter, picking her up and slinging her onto her hip.

“Shh, Abby! Remember what we said!”

Abby giggles, waves at Roxanne, and then they’ve disappeared around the corner. Roxanne heads back into the apartment, the brown envelopes still clutched tightly in her hand, and walks back towards the balcony.

She nearly jumps out of her skin when she sees Megamind perched, precariously, on the wall next to the table, rolling the empty wine glass in his hand.

“Expecting company, Miss Ritchi?”

She  _ wants _ to say something sarcastic, or even devastatingly charming. But seeing him balanced on the edge of the wall like that makes her panic.

“Jesus Christ, get down from there! What if you fall?”

“Miss Ritchi, need I remind you that not only am I a supervillain I am also an  _ alien _ ? I have the grace of a gazelle, the balance of a house cat. I do  _ not _ fa-”

And he slips backwards over the edge. 

Roxanne cries out - “ _ Megamind! _ ” - and leaps forwards, pulling the bistro chair out of her way and sending it clattering across the balcony. She grips the wall and lunges forwards, the two envelopes still in her hand slipping and fluttering down and away. She doesn't care; She doesn't even notice, feeling like she's going to be sick, barely daring to look down for fear of what she might see. 

But she can't see anything.

She takes a few steps back from the edge, fighting for air. Usually she's buzzing with ideas, prides herself on knowing what to do, on keeping calm...but now her mind is blank. 

And then his head pops up on the other side of the wall, the picture of innocence, and he  _ grins _ at her. He does a little nod with his head and somehow flies _ upward  _ to reveal two Brainbots holding him up beneath his armpits. They deposit him onto the solid floor of the balcony and he strides forward, smug as ever. 

All that fear, all that panic, quickly morphs into anger. She strides forwards and he looks like he's about to say something that he thinks is ever-so-witty but before he can get the words out she slaps him, hard. 

Her hand connects satisfyingly with his cheek. Gone are those infuriating butterflies, those skipped heartbeats - now it’s just the ringing sound of skin against skin. 

“You...you utter  _ asshole _ !” 

“I... _ ow _ ! You hit me!”

“Very observant of you!” 

“Why did you hit me?!”

“You  _ idiot _ ...you ass! You  _ knew _ they were gonna catch you!”

“Obviously. I'm not  _ stupid. _ ”

“Well you're doing a very good impression of it! You…”

She can feel hot tears prickling the corners of her eyes. This is ridiculous. Dramatic and ridiculous. It's not like he's actually-

But what if he was? What if that had been  _ it _ ? Just like that?

The dull ache in her chest confirms what she already knows. Confirms what she would quite like to deny. 

Those moments earlier, of raised eyebrows and stolen touches, of “scream for me”, of those intrusive thoughts of red lips and blue skin...they were  _ nothing  _ compared to this feeling of being totally full but also horribly, terribly hollow. 

She's in way over her head.

But she looks at him - now looking confused, angry - and the rage subsides because...he's okay. And she never realised that she cares so much. 

“Look.” She takes a deep breath, feeling completely stupid, a muddle of adrenaline and relief, “You  _ scared  _ me. I thought you were…” she can't finish that thought, merely sighs. “You scared me. Urgh, you stupid…”

And before she’s even realised what she’s doing, before any semblance of rationality can interrupt, she closes the gap between them, and pulls him into a tight hug. He freezes, and one of her arms instinctively hooks over his shoulder and for a fraction of a second she remembers -  _ spikes, spikes! _ \- but to her surprise they’re actually dull, and her arm glides over them easily.

She hears his breathing hitch, then stop. He's completely still, arms stiff. 

“This is  _ your  _ fault and I refuse to be held accountable,” She mutters, then releases him and steps backwards, “...and don't tell Minion. Or Metro Man. Or anyone.”

He swallows. He's still frozen, eyes darting as if he's planning the best way to escape. “I...uh…”

“Sorry,” she spots his dazed, still unblinking expression, “sorry if that was...inappropriate. The hug, I mean, not the slap,” she quickly verifies, “you deserved the slap.” 

“I don’t…” He looks around, as if waiting for Metro Man to spring out of nowhere and arrest him again, “I’m not entirely sure what’s happening right now?”

She takes a deep breath. “I thought...I thought you were  _ dead _ . I thought I was going to look over the balcony and see - and see…”

_ That _ thought really is too awful to contemplate. She can feel herself getting upset again and tries to reign the emotion in, tries to stay calm and rational. 

“You thought..? But...well, firstly I am  _ not _ ...that. And secondly: it was a joke! A, a humorous jest! You should be laughing, not...not slapping! Or…” his cheeks flush, “...or anything else!”

“You know, Megamind,” She smiles, gently, “despite the kidnappings, and the inconvenience, and the bag and those  _ stupid _ itchy ropes...I  _ like _ having you around.”

He blinks. “The ropes are itchy?”

“They are  _ so _ itchy. You’re a supervillain, surely you’ve got enough disposable income to buy some nicer rope?”

“...you like having me around?”

Her cheeks are getting hot. The top of her arms tingle as the flush spreads down her chest. She’s not sure what to say. As if on an unheard cue, a Brainbot comes zooming onto the balcony making excited  _ bowg _ noises, breaking the tension. In its claw-like arms its gripping Abby’s cards. Megamind takes the brown envelopes from the Brainbot, giving it a little pat before it zooms away.

“I believe you dropped these, Miss Ritchi.”

He extends them towards her, looking a little sheepish. 

“One's...actually for you.”

He examines the envelopes. “What?”

She grabs them and turns them over so the names written on them face upward and passes the one that says “ _ MegamiiD _ ” back to him. 

“Megameed?” He reads aloud.

Roxanne snorts. “It's from Abby. A thank you card, apparently. She's not very good at spelling.”

He frowns. “A thank you card? I...I can't say I'm entirely sure what that entails.”

“She's thanking you for looking after Doctor Puddles,” Roxanne explains, amused, “Open it, I wanna see what she made you!”

He looks unconvinced, but slides a finger under the flap of the envelope anyway and pulls out - 

He stops, the card still half-in the envelope, his eyes wide. He looks suddenly vulnerable, suddenly soft, like all the spikes and edges he puts up around himself have melted away.

“...Megamind?” 

He pulls away the rest of the envelope, slowly, like he's handling a dangerous weapon or - perhaps more accurately - a priceless treasure. Roxanne has never seen that expression on his face before.

She walks around him and peers over his shoulder to get a look. Abby has gone all out. On the front of the card is a figure who is unmistakably Megamind - there’s a lot of blue, a cape drawn in large, inexpert swooshes and huge zig-zags around the figure’s shoulders drawn in a metallic silver pen which are clearly supposed to be his spikes. He’s standing, as figures often do in children’s drawings, just above a strip of green and below a strip of blue. There’s a blobby sunshine in one corner. Abby has also taken it upon herself to decorate the rest of the page - there’s sequins and stickers surrounding Megamind, lopsided hearts and rough patches of glitter. 

“That’s  _ adorable _ .” 

He jumps, as if suddenly realising she’s there. “I...yes, it’s...that’s  _ me _ .”

Roxanne has a sudden thought. “Is this...the first time someone’s given you something? Or...made something for you?”

He blinks. “People  _ give _ me things all the time. Although I suppose that’s never by  _ choice _ . And, I suppose, Minion does...capes, costumes, food…”

“This is different, though.”

He finally looks at her. If she didn’t know better, she’d say he was holding back tears, or at least  _ something _ , some huge emotion just bubbling under the surface. 

“It  _ is _ different.”

Roxanne smiles at him. “She likes you. Kids are good judges of character, you know.”

He laughs, low and mirthless. “I suspect this time she may be mistaken.”

Roxanne rolls her eyes. “You know, ages ago the station organised a charity drive for the children's hospital. They put me in charge because of my  _ contacts _ . I got Wa- Metro Man in for an afternoon to meet the kids.”

“I recall.”

“Well, he was  _ awful _ with the kids. I mean just  _ crap _ . He’s fine with babies because they can’t ask him difficult questions but the toddlers and little ones? It was  _ appalling _ . You’re way better with them.”

“Or you just happen to live next door to the only person in the whole of Metrocity who is a…a...”

“A fan?”

“Hmm.”

She sees doubt clouding his expression. She desperately wants to make him see. “Not the  _ only _ person.” She takes a deep breath. “You could say the same thing about her.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning she happens to live next door to someone who’s a Megamind fan. Certainly not the only one, I’m sure.” 

He doesn’t respond. She was sure,  _ sure _ , that that would have had a reaction. But instead, he just smiles - more to himself than to her - a sad, sort of hopeless smile. He gestures at the envelope still in her hand. “You got one too?”

“Oh! Right…”

Roxanne grabs the chair, which is still lying on its side after she threw it across the balcony, and drags it back. She sits down, places the card on the table, looks towards Megamind and gestures at the empty seat opposite her. 

He actually sits down - she wasn’t sure he would. She grabs the wine bottle and holds it out above the empty glass with a raised eyebrow. His lips part as he thinks, and she tries not to stare. Finally, he nods. 

She pours him a drink, then picks up the envelope. She slides the sticky tab open and pulls it out, trying to keep one eye on Megamind’s expression. He’s watching her carefully. The card slides from the brown envelope and she - 

\- she - 

She’s suddenly very aware that she’s probably staring at the card just like he was. The flushed tingling that had settled around her shoulder blades intensifies. 

“Oh.”

She’s smiling - when did that happen - and pulls the card fully out of the envelope in a shower of glitter.

“What is it?” 

It’s a picture, much like his, drawn in an inexpert hand and finished with glitter and stickers. But this card shows a scene - two figures, one coloured in a familiar blue with silver spikes, the other with a messy scribble of dark hair. They stand on top of a strip of green grass, complete with flowers, and beneath a yellow sun. The sun has a smiley face on it.

They’re holding hands. Around them, sealing them in like a frame, is a bright red heart. It’s just a kid’s drawing, simple and basic: the figures have huge, oversized eyes and smiles so large they burst from their faces. But it  _ radiates _ a kind of naive happiness. It’s a simple world where only three things exist: The sky, the ground, and…

And that niggling little emotion that she doesn’t want to think about. 

“Can I see?”

His voice cracks through her thoughts.

“It’s...ah, it might be...weird?” She manages, the words tripping over each other.

“Weirder than the local supervillain  _ babysitting _ for an afternoon?” 

“Fair point,” she says, with a wry smile, “...here.”

She passes it over with a little trepidation, waiting for him to laugh at her, to be horribly embarrassed - or be disgusted. She readies herself for a quick escape, for him to leap off the balcony again to extract himself from the awkward situation. 

“Huh.”

Roxanne winces. “Yeah...I, uh, I think she thinks...I actually had to explain to her, when she came round with the card…” She's rambling, aware she isn't being particularly coherent. “She thinks...She thinks that you and I are, um…”

She takes a sip of wine, then finally settles on “Dating” just as he says “...Romantically entangled?”

Roxanne nearly spits out her wine. “ _ What? _ ” she splutters, coughing.

“...Dating is, perhaps, a more suitable word.”

“She said that you were a rubbish boyfriend.”

He snorts. “I suspect any mere mortal would be a rubbish boyfriend compared to  _ Metro Man _ .”

“I wouldn’t know.” She looks him right in the eyes.

“I...what?”

“Metro Man’s  _ fine _ , you know, but I don’t have the authority to say if he’s a good boyfriend.”

“But...you…”

“...are  _ not  _ dating Metro Man,” she finishes, “have  _ never  _ been dating Metro Man, and, honestly, have no  _ interest _ in dating Metro Man.”

“ _ What?” _

“He’s not my type.”

She takes another drink as Megamind stares at her in stunned silence. 

“But...everyone thinks...everyone thinks you’re dating!”

“You know what they say about  _ assumptions _ , Megamind. It was just...easier. To let everyone believe. You know how it goes: superhero, villain, damsel, it’s easier to fit into the boxes. And…” she sighs, and looks out across the city, “it kept my Mom off by back about getting a boyfriend.” She laughs. “And to be honest, that didn’t even work because  _ now _ I get phone calls asking about weddings and babies and...stuff.” She shudders. “No thanks.”

She pauses, thinking for a moment, then adds: “Certainly not with him, anyway.” 

He seems overwhelmed with new information. Struggling, he grasps at the last conversation thread he was able to follow.

“...Why am I a rubbish boyfriend?”

She laughs. “Apart from the obvious?”

He looks hurt, and she realises how bad that sounded. She’s about to continue but he cuts her off.

“The obvious being,  _ terrifying alien freak _ , yes?”

“No! No, I - I mean, ‘terrifying’ and ‘freak’ are totally subjective and, clearly, untrue. And the ‘alien’ thing...that doesn’t even factor into it.”

“Hmm.”

“Really, it doesn’t. For a kid being an alien is probably a sign of being a really fantastic boyfriend, to be honest.”

“For a  _ kid _ , Miss Ritchi. It’s a somewhat less exciting prospect for an adult.”

She sighs. “What I  _ meant _ ,” she says, leaning forwards, “the  _ obvious _ here meaning that you’re  _ not _ my boyfriend, which is about the most rubbish thing a boyfriend can do.”

He blinks. “That...doesn’t make a lot of sense, Miss Ritchi.”

“Sure it does,” she says, “you’re just not paying enough attention. Abby said it was because I haven’t seen your house.”

“What did you tell her?”

“I said that you weren’t my boyfriend. She was  _ very _ disappointed.”

“But it’s a relief, for you, I imagine.” He looks at her with those big, green eyes. He’s still got the card clasped in his hands, the image of what they could be. 

“I…”  _ Ah, fuck it _ . “I wouldn’t say that.” And then, before she can stop herself: “I’m a little disappointed too.”

He is, for once, speechless. She taps on the edge of her wine glass with her fingernails, peering down at the table, trying to disguise her pink cheeks. 

“I might hang it on the  refrigerator . The card.” She looks up. He’s blushing too - from his cheeks to his ears to the little triangle of exposed blue skin of his chest. 

“That’s what you’re supposed to do,” she continues, “with kids’ drawings. Especially ones that good.” 

He seems to come to a silent conclusion. “You’re...really not dating Metro Man?”

“Nope.”

“Oh.” He looks thoughtful, then places the card down and slides it back across the table.

A sudden thought occurs to her. “Does this mean you’ll have to find someone else to kidnap? I...I don’t actually  _ know _ if he has, you know...a real partner.”

He looks taken aback by the question. “Kidnap someone..?” He actually laughs, “God, no.”

She raises her eyebrows at the speedy response. 

“I mean,” he continues, “you’re a  _ professional _ , Miss Ritchi. And...you’re much more than a superhero’s girlfriend. You’re the best reporter in the city.”

“But I don’t scream, and I ask too many questions, and...try to bribe you into not kidnapping me.”

“ _ Exactly _ . You keep things...interesting. I…” he looks nervous, sips on his wine, “I like having you around, too. Even if you try to wriggle your way out of kidnappings.”

She picks up the card and looks at the drawing again. The anxious thudding of her heart in her ears is finally starting to abate. 

“Why did you come back?” She asks. “You never come back.”

He shrugs, desperately trying to appear casual. “No reason. Why were there two glasses?”

Two can play at this game. She takes a sip of wine, maintaining eye contact. “No reason.” 

\----

Four days later, Roxanne gets home from work to find a large cardboard box on her balcony. It’s labelled: “ABBY”.

She carries the box to her neighbours, and Abby rips into it with the voracity of any small child receiving an unexpected present.

It contains two things.

Abby pulls out the first item with a noise that makes Doctor Puddles start running around in tiny circles, yapping. It’s a cape. A perfect miniature of Megamind’s, complete with collar, minus spikes. It’s a deep, shiny black, lined with electric blue. On the back is emblazoned a huge, glittery “A”, flanked by lightning bolts.

The second thing is a photograph. It’s of a  refrigerator . Stuck to it, with what is unmistakably a Metro City tourist board magnet, is Abby’s card. Roxanne only knows this because it’s the same magnet that she’s using to hang hers to her own  refrigerator.

On the back of the photo, written in swirling handwriting, it simply says “Abby: Thank You. M.”

Erica gives Roxanne a look over her daughter’s head - a wordless understanding. Roxanne doesn’t say anything, just smiles, and tries to ignore the feeling of her cheeks turning red. 

Roxanne leaves almost an hour later, waved away by Abby, who’s been wearing the cape since she pulled it out the box. 

She opens the door to her apartment, and finds another surprise on her balcony.

“Hey.” She says, dumping her keys and bag on the kitchen counter. “Coffee?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all, folks!
> 
> Thanks for reading, commenting and kudosing for however many months I've been procrastinating on this fic! Every comment means so much to me and I love reading your thoughts <3

**Author's Note:**

> So I had this idea months ago, and it's only just finding its feet now. I'm also now posting under Merry Wars (previously Naughty Yorick), to match my fandom Tumblr: a_kind_of_merry_war. Come follow me! 
> 
> Enjoy!


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